sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize