i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
