Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ugly people sure do ruin things
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
