but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
