guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
