I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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