I skipped work to stalk him.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
