im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
