who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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