Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
