I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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