Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
