After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
