Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
