the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
