just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
