Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my being single is dangerous.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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