I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
