I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
