Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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