dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
