He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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