He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We're too hungover to prance.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
