Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
