I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the day after is always just damage control
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
