I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
