There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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