some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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