I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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