when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
