I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
