It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
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I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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