You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
