i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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