she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I want to be your penis for a week.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
