I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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