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This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got inside last night via doggy door
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
