Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
