Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
