It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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