Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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