Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
