he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
