two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
