I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
