Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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