she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
