Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
