Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just pee around me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
