She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize