OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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