You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
