Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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