If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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