He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
