he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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