Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
