WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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