I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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