I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
