the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
