this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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