i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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