I cockslap morals
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
