I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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