This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
being pregnant is like rehab
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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