I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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