Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
