Already got asked if we're dating
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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