i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
