Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
