They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
