so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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