Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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