you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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