time to smoke my breakfast
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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